Embarking on a lifelong commitment with the person you love is a momentous occasion, but that does not mean it is all serious business. Many couples choose to incorporate funny wedding ceremony readings to help lighten up the mood with a good balance of wit and humor. Of course, if you and your partner are writing your own vows, including some funny tidbits is a great way to make your ceremony feel more personal, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Selecting funny wedding ceremony readings is an opportunity to showcase both of your personalities while putting a smile on all your guests’ faces. If you are making selections for your ceremony lineup, we have compiled the best funny wedding ceremony readings for every type of couple who loves a good laugh. “I’ll Be Here for You” by Louise CuddonA clever poem about facing life’s ups and downs together. I’ll be there, my darling, through thick and through thin When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train. When life is just threatening to drive you insane When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm When the forecast said, “Fine,” but you’re out in a storm When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum And your holiday photos show only your thumb When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay And return to discover you’ve been towed away When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear… When you break a rule, when you act the fool When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue because I’m telling you, I’ll be there. "And I Have You" by Nikki GiovanniWe love the simple sweetness of this poem. Rain has drops Sun has shine Moon has beams That make you mine Rivers have banks Sands for shores Hearts have heartbeats That make me yours Needles have eyes Though pins may prick Elmer has glue To make things stick Winter has Spring Stockings feet Pepper has mint To make it sweet Teachers have lessons Soup du jour Lawyers sue bad folks Doctors cure All and all This much is true You have me And I have you "Yes, I’ll Marry You" by Pam AyresA feisty marriage poem that packs a punch. Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear. And here’s the reason why. So I can push you out of bed When the baby starts to cry. And if we hear a knocking And it’s creepy and it’s late, I hand you the torch you see, And you investigate. Yes I’ll marry you, my dear, You may not apprehend it, But when the tumble-drier goes It’s you that has to mend it. You have to face the neighbor Should our Labrador attack him, And if a drunkard fondles me It’s you that has to whack him. Yes, I’ll marry you, You’re virile and you’re lean, My house is like a pigsty You can help to keep it clean. That sexy little dinner Which you served by candlelight, As I do chipolatas, You can cook it every night! It’s you who has to work the drill And put up curtain track, And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak, I do see great advantages, But none of them for you, And so before you see the light, I DO, I DO, I DO!! “When I’m Sixty-Four” by The BeatlesThis classic song from The Beatles is a crowd favorite for a reason. When I get older losing my hair Many years from now Will you still be sending me a Valentine Birthday greetings bottle of wine If I'd been out 'til quarter to three Would you lock the door Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four You'll be older too And if you say the word I could stay with you I could be handy, mending a fuse When your lights have gone You can knit a sweater by the fireside Sunday mornings go for a ride Doing the garden, digging the weeds Who could ask for more Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four Every summer we can rent a cottage In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear We shall scrimp and save Grandchildren on your knee Vera, Chuck and Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form Mine for evermore Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four “Marriage is Like My Old Car” by Marie April GismondiA poem of comedy and marriage advice all mixed into one funny wedding ceremony reading. The way I see it, marriage is like my old car. When I bought it new from the dealership, everyone around me was saying; “Wow that’s a nice car!” It was all bright and shiny and worthy of admiration. And then as the years went by… there were places where the paint was starting to peel off. It got a little dent and a scratch or two here and there… and once it was over a decade old… People started saying; “Why are you still driving that old thing?” But my car ran like a top and would never leave me high and dry. Every time something sounded a little off, or needed attention, I got to work on it and fixed whatever needed fixing immediately, knowing that you get what you give. And then, when she became “a classic”, it was off to the body shop she went for a new paint job. People once again began saying; “Wow, that’s a really nice car!” But what they didn’t know was that all the things that really matter, were always things that nobody could see from the outside. A marriage is like my old car. It’s the maintenance you do between the high of the wedding day, and gaining the admiration your grandchildren by being the couple who still laughs and shares secrets, and still holds hands after all these years. So don’t worry so much about what people think or say. Just do your oil changes, keep up with your maintenance, get out and have fun, don’t be afraid to blow the dust off now and then, and fix whatever breaks as soon as it happens. This is my advice for a marriage that will motor successfully on down the highway of life. “I Wanna Be Yours” by John Cooper ClarkeLight-hearted song lyrics to make everyone smile. I wanna be your vacuum cleaner Breathing in your dust I wanna be your Ford Cortina I will never rust If you like your coffee hot Let me be your coffee pot You call the shots I wanna be yours I wanna be your raincoat For those frequent rainy days I wanna be your dreamboat When you want to sail away Let me be your teddy bear Take me with you anywhere I don't care I wanna be yours I wanna be your electric meter I will not run out I wanna be the electric heater You'll get cold without I wanna be your setting lotion Hold your hair in deep devotion Deep as the deep Atlantic Ocean That's how deep is my devotion “The Romance” by Shel SilversteinHumor on the sweeter side, this poem is classic as can be. Said the pelican to the elephant, “I think we should marry, I do. ’Cause there’s no name that rhymes with me, And no one else rhymes with you.” Said the elephant to the pelican, “There’s sense to what you’ve said, For rhyming’s as good a reason as any For any two to wed.” And so the elephant wed the pelican, And they dined upon lemons and limes, And now they have a baby pelican, And everybody rhymes. “I Like You” by Ben RectorThis sweet and simple song excerpt would be great read by a child. There's no need to complicate it Dress it up or overstate it Without too much hesitation Here's the way I feel Well, I like you, I like you Even when I don't try to Yes I do, that's the truth I like you “Love Me” by Bee RawlinsonA clever little poem about growing old together. Love me when I'm old and shocking Peel off my elastic stockings Swing me from the chandeliers Let's be randy bad old dears. Push around my chromed Bath Chair Let me tease your white chest hair Scaring children, swapping dentures Let us have some great adventures. Take me to your special places Watching all the puzzled faces You in shorts and socks and sandals Me with warts and huge love-handles. As the need for love enthralls Wrestle with my damp proof smalls Make me laugh without constraint Buy me chocolate body paint. Hold me safe throughout the night When my hair has turned to white Believe me when I say it's true I've waited all my life for you. “He Never Leaves the Seat Up” by AnonA funny wedding ceremony reading for the couple who does not take themselves too seriously. He never leaves the seat up Or wet towels upon the floor The toothpaste has the lid on And he always shuts the door! She’s very clean and tidy Though she may sometimes delude Leave your things out at your peril In a second they’ll have moved! He’s a very active person As are all his next of kin Where as she likes lazy days He’ll still drag her to the gym! He romances her and dines her Home cooked dinners and the like He even knows her favorite food And spoils her day and night! She’s thoughtful when he looks at her A smile upon his face Will he look that good in 50 years When his dentures aren’t in place?! He says he loves her figure And her mental prowess too But when gravity takes her over Will she charm with her IQ? She says she loves his kindness And his patience is a must And of course she thinks he’s handsome Which in her eyes is a plus! They’re both not wholly perfect But who are we to judge He can be pig headed Where as she won’t even budge! All that said and done They love the time they spent together And I hope as I’m sure you do That this fine day will last forever. He’ll be more than just her husband He’ll also be her friend And she’ll be more than just his wife She’s be his soul mate ‘til the end. 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While most brides start shopping for a gown at least eight months before their big day, there are lots of reasons why you might need a last-minute wedding dress. These emergencies include alteration snafus, dress salons or brands unexpectedly shutting their doors, or just hating how your dress turned out. Or what if you want to get married, like, next week? Turns out it that it is totally possible to find a last-minute wedding dress, so long as you are willing to be flexible and do some research. Be prepared to compromise. First, remain calm. You will be able to find a last-minute wedding dress—but it might not be your dream dress. And that is alright. The less time you must find a dress, the more flexible you will need to be as it pertains to style, details, designer, etc. Remember that your partner is marrying you for you, not what you are wearing Start at the salon.Depending on how much time you have, a bridal salon may be able to assist you in your quest for a last-minute wedding dress. Call up a few salons to find out how quickly a dress can be ordered and received. While it usually takes between four and six months to receive a wedding dress (and that doesn’t include alterations), if you’re willing to pay rush fees, you may be able to get your dress faster than that. Since gown salons have the widest array of dresses to choose from, it is best to start there to see what is available. Try sample salesFor those brides who have some extra time, ask a few nearby wedding dress salons if they are having a sample sale—or if they have any older sample dresses, they are selling off the rack. Bridal salons frequently get rid of older dresses to make room for new inventory. If you’re a sample size (usually a bridal 6 or 8), you may be in luck—these dresses tend to come at deep discounts and you can take them home right away. Remember, though, that these last-minute wedding dresses can be in far from pristine condition so will need a thorough cleaning and alterations. Check out (trusted) online retailers.While ordering a last-minute wedding dress online can be somewhat risky, there are certain trusted online dress retailers, like BHLDN, Floravere, and David’s Bridal, where ordering a wedding dress is virtually as simple as ordering a t-shirt. These sites ship relatively quickly and have a wide selection of styles and sizes, so that you can easily find something that suits your style. If you’re looking to purchase a wedding dress online, be sure to read reviews of the site to make sure it’s reputable—there are many websites out there that sell counterfeit or low-quality dresses, and you don’t certainly don’t have time for that! Try department stores.Finding a wedding dress off the rack means that you can take it home the day you purchase it—which can be huge if you are on a super-tight timeframe. Many department stores, like Nordstrom and Saks Fifth Avenue, sell long white gowns (sure, they might not technically be wedding dresses, but no one will know the difference) in their evening section that can totally work for your big day—particularly if you’re having a more casual wedding. Also, many department stores have tailors on staff who can help you make quick alterations (major alterations will take more time and may need to go to a tailor who specializes in wedding gowns). Look for secondhand dresses.If you have a bit more lead time before your wedding day, you may want to research secondhand wedding dresses on a site like Nearly Newlywed. Many brides resell their dresses (in good condition!) or even sell unworn gowns. There are several websites that specialize in selling preowned wedding dresses, but again, be sure to do your research so you know it is reputable. Also remember that a secondhand dress was tailored to fit someone else, so try to leave time for alterations if possible Rent it.Dress rental companies have been popping up in the past few years, with the most popular being Rent the Runway. While these rental companies tend to specialize in bridesmaid dresses, if you are looking for a less-formal last-minute wedding dress, they may have just the right style. Note, however, that renting a dress means you will not be able to alter it—but you can usually order a few different sizes to ensure you will find one that fits. Bring on the accessories.It is relatively easy to find a basic last-minute wedding dress on a tight timeline, but more difficult if you are looking for a dress with lots of beading and adornments. Looking for a glam gown? We recommend purchasing a simple gown and going to town with the accessories—an intricate beaded sash or amazing veil can go a long way in adding a little oomph to a basic dress. Let your creativity shine through and make that dress your own! Get the best wedding banquet halls Austin TX
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Find the best wedding reception venues near me Austin TX Great places near 1415 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704 Found the great wedding reception halls Austin TX Recently evening ceremonies and receptions have been very popular. This timeline gives the groom and his groomsmen some time for all different kinds of activities while the girls get their hair and makeup done. Here are some ideas to help pass the time before you suit up for the big day! Grab a bite to eat or get some drinks. Do not forget to get something in your stomach before walking down the aisle! Nothing kills the moment like a growling stomach. You could always order some wings and pizza from your favorite place to eat or stop by a sit-down restaurant. You could also swing by a brewery or vineyard the morning of, but of course be sure to limit the number of drinks for everyone and stay hydrated with water! Wait till the reception to get to partying. Of course, anything you choose to do will be a hit with your buddies! Sit back and relax. After all that planning and stressing you and your fiancé went thru, the big day is finally here! What is even better is all your closest buddies being with you to sit back and relax. Grooms suites are perfect for having your group of guys spend the morning watching movies and snacking on some popcorn. Put on your favorite tunes and play some poker, watch some sports, or play a couple video games. Visit a barber shop and/or spa What you thought the royal treatment was just for the girls?! Many spas offer grooming services just for men, including hot towel shave, manicure, facial, hair styling, and a massage. Of course, last minute haircuts and shaves are always great to get that wedding-ready look. Always be sure to call ahead to make an appointment! Another option is to drive to a nearby lake to go fishing. Tip: stay away from high impact sports, nothing ruins a wedding day like a trip to the ER We had the best inexpensive wedding reception venues Austin TX
We find the best unusual wedding reception venues Austin TX Enjoy a great walk nearby 821 Gunter St, Austin, TX 78702 Have you been looking for the best inexpensive wedding reception venues Austin TX Everybody in the wedding party deserves a special outfit—including your four-legged best man of honor. Stumped on how to dress your pup? Ask yourself a few questions before choosing wedding dog attire: - How formal is the event? Base how fancy (or casual) your pet’s ensemble is on what your human guests are wearing. If they are in tuxes, try a dog tuxedo. - What is the theme or color palette? Is there an emphasis on blooms? Try floral attire. Are the bridesmaids wearing pink dresses? Get your dog one too. - What’s your dog’s role? Is your canine serving as a best man pup? Find a dog wedding outfit that matches the groomsmen attire. Is the pooch walking getting walked down the aisle? Consider a fancy leash. - What is your dog like? Everyone should look and feel their best on the special day. When it comes to dog wedding attire, that means finding something suited to your pup’s body and personality. Pay careful attention to sizes, and if they hate wearing dog clothes, opt for something more subtle. A stylish dog wedding collar should do the trick. Ready to shop? We have rounded up some of the cutest dog wedding clothes and accessories on the market. A couple last tips: Whatever you order, test it out well before the wedding day. If your pup cannot move properly or makes a fuss, it is not the right look for them. And as a precaution, you should never leave your dog unsupervised while they are wearing attire. Dog Wedding Clothes Want to go all out? Buy dog wedding attire that adorably (and hilariously) resembles people clothes. Whether you are looking for an elegant dog tuxedo or a full-blown dog wedding dress, these options will make your tail wag. Blue Dog Tuxedo Yvette’s Little Shop navy blue wedding dog tuxedo, from $85, Etsy.com Gray Dog Tuxedo Want a gray dog tuxedo or suit? This “outfit” is a bandana disguised as formal wear. Customize the look with either a bow tie or tie, then simply attach the finished product to your dog’s wedding collar. Amanda’s Bandanas grey wool blend dog tuxedo, $43, Etsy.com Black Dog Tuxedo Searching for a black tux instead? Try this dog wedding attire. Like the option above, the piece serves as a jacket, shirt, and bowtie all in one. (That is, without sleeves, so your dog’s legs can move more freely.) The Knot Shop pet tux, from $22, TheKnotShop.com Dog Wedding Dress We are honestly amazed by this dog wedding dress. The lace gown, which comes with the prettiest floral accents, rivals a human wedding dress. The Etsy seller makes it in all sorts of sizes—work together to find the best fit for your fur baby. House of Fur Baby dog wedding dress, from $26, Etsy.com Flower Dog Dress Here is the perfect outfit for a flower girl canine: a whimsical, floral gown. Again, the embellished design is pretty darn impressive. Who knew dog wedding dresses could be so chic? David’s Bridal pink 3D floral embellished dog dress, $25, DavidsBridal.com Ring Dog Outfit Trusting your pup with the rings? (Or at least making it look like you are?) Get the pooch dog wedding clothes boasting their important role. This outfit comes in either dress or shirt form. It also comes in a wide range of colors. Beau Chien Boutique Ring Bringer dog wedding dress or shirt, $16, Etsy.com Dog Wedding Accessories Your pup does not need a dog tuxedo or canine dress to make a fashion statement at your celebration. Fun, festive accessories are another adorable option. (And your canine might appreciate the less invasive attire.) Dog Wedding Collar This dog wedding collar defines elegance. The faux flowers are durable but look realistic, the base is made from comfortable felt and the self-tie satin straps mean you can use it as a neck piece or a flower crown. Hanks Fur Friend’s wedding dog flower collar, $21, Etsy.com Wedding Dog Bandana This one goes out to your maid dog of honor. The burlap bandana works well for a rustic wedding. David’s Bridal Dog of Honor flower bandana, $20, DavidsBridal.com Wedding Dog Leash Add a little sparkle to your dog’s wedding outfit with this (vegan) leather leash, which reads “I do too” in blinged-out letters. For even more glam, pair it with the matching dog wedding collar. House of Fur Baby wedding dog leash, from $22, Etsy.com Dog Wedding Hat A playful dog top hat is sure to make your human guests smile. The adjustable chin strap will keep it secure, but it’s flexible for comfortable wear. Dog Wedding Bow Tie Skip the whole dog tuxedo and dress your four-legged friend in just a bow tie instead. This bandana, which is also an Etsy bestseller, features a fancy white collar too. Giddings Gifts dog wedding attire, $20, Etsy.com Wedding Dog Tag This sweet engraved dog tag, which reads “best dog” and comes in multiple colors, will double as a wedding keepsake after the “I do’s.” Clip it to the dog wedding collar of your choosing for an even more personalized day-of outfit. Cellar Co. Best Man dog collar tag, $25, Etsy.com Enjoy a great walk nearby 821 Gunter St, Austin, TX 78702 We had the best inexpensive wedding reception venues Austin TX Have you been looking for the best inexpensive wedding reception venues Austin TX Outdoor weddings are beautiful and romantic. Sometimes, they are not always as easy to plan as they may appear. Outdoor weddings bring with them additional risks and red flags, but if you follow our top tips, you will shine on your wedding day.
Think comfort. Consider what the weather will be like at the time of your ceremony. If it is going to be hot and sunny, do not leave your guests sweating uncomfortably. Have your ushers provide guests with ice-cold bottles of water when they are seated. Think about printing your wedding program on a fan so that guests can use them to cool themselves. For an extremely warm location, consider renting electric fans and/or a tent for shade. If it is predicted to be damp and cold, recommend that your guests wear extra layers. You may even want to have portable heaters or lap blankets available. Develop a backup plan. The perfect outdoor wedding location has an indoor location waiting just in case it is needed. Many brides and grooms choose to have their ceremony outside and the reception inside. If needed, the tables can be moved to the back of the room while the ceremony is taking place. A tent is another option, but this will only work for light-to-moderate rainfall. Heavier rain will soak the ground and leave guests with muddy and soggy footwear. Make sure if you rent a tent that it is has thick, weighted sides so it will not flip over. Be ready for the wind. Avoid light fabrics like silks and chiffons for your dress and your bridesmaids’ dresses. Let your hairstylist know that your wedding will be held outdoors so she/he can plan accordingly. Can you hear what I hear? While you do not need to worry about rushing wind or the roar of the waves at The Texas Hall, sound does not always travel well outdoors. Consider a sound system with clip microphones for the bride, groom, and officiant so all your guests can hear. Work with the local natural beauty. One of the advantages of having a wedding outdoors is the natural beauty surrounding you, which lessens your need to decorate extensively. But you still need to do some planning. Look at your wedding site a week prior to your wedding to make sure that everything looks the way you want it to. Prepare the feast. Hopefully, your caterer has experience planning an outdoor wedding menu. Take a moment to ensure that they are planning foods that will keep well outdoors in the heat and avoid things like dishes which must be served cold, such as mayonnaise-based foods. Consider the drinks. Because alcohol causes dehydration, consider serving a selection of teas, punches, and lemonades. Have plenty of ice and water on hand as well. to cool and refresh your guests. Shade the sun.Consider scheduling your outdoor wedding at sunset surrounded by the warm glow of the sun. If you are having it during the daytime hours, position the ceremony so that the sun will be on the backs of your guests instead of in their eyes. Some of the best unique wedding reception venues Austin TX Find great low-cost reception venues Austin TX Great gift stores near 1100 S Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX 78704 Looking for the best unique wedding reception venues Austin TX |
AuthorThe Texas Hall Archives
March 2022
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